We all define family in different ways. For some of us, family consists of people we see during the holidays, for others, it consists of various close knit individuals that make up the sum of it's parts. For me, family is my husband and our dog, Arthur. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be who I am today without the love and support of my mom, godparents, and father. However, at 36, I define family by whom I want to come home to every night. And for the last 6 years, that person has always been Doug.
When I got home from work today, I was driven to create a playlist for us. Doug and I are getting out of town for a weekend of alone time, and we have a two hour drive ahead of us. So, I felt making a playlist was a good idea.
I often do this for friends and for various situations where extensive travel is necessary. However, I decided to make one for just he and I. Here it is.
Some old, some new. Very random, very inspired, and very diverse. A lot like how I'm feeling right now : )
Stand by Me Ben E. King
Be Mine David Gray
L.A. Woman The Doors
Walking On a Dream Empire of the Sun
The Summer Wind Frank Sinatra
Flathead The Fratellis
Shimmer Fuel
We Are Young Fun.
Bubble Toes Jack Johnson
Cherry Bomb John Mellencamp
Need You Now Lady Antebellum
Alive Pearl Jam
You Are the Sunshine of My Life Stevie Wonder
Superstition Stevie Wonder
That's Not My Name The Ting Tings
Why Can't This Be Love Van Halen
Real Love Remix (Featuring the Notorious B.I.G.) Mary J. Blige Collection R&B/Soul
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Expectations vs. Reality
Women are displayed messages of what we should look like, act like, and dress like at a very early age. Many of us struggle with this, and starve ourselves, change our image, and work to look and act a certain way. However, as we grow and find out who we really are, we may not want to fit a certain mold. Luckily, we all define beauty differently.
When we are younger, we enjoy dating or being in “young love”. The dream is sold to us daily through characters in books, movies, and sitcoms. We are told what types of men make up someone that’s successful: good looking, charming, well off, and well spoken. Never once is sense of humor, outlook on life, or interests mentioned. As you get older you say to yourself “I don’t want to settle, I want the dream”. I have seen many women blow off nice guys, who may be a little rusty, goofy, geeky or not their type. I ask this: is your "type" working for you, if you are still single?
So here’s the question: if we, as women, know that the expectations set for us are unrealistic, why do we hold men to the standard sold to us, and never once question how realistic it is? Women don’t want to settle, and they shouldn’t. Never should you stay with someone that’s abusive, unkind, or dealing with some type of demon they can’t work through. However, for those women who think that Mr. Big is waiting for them somewhere, you are sadly mistaken. Ask any married woman if they married the previously mentioned Prince Charming, and they will tell you no. But, in a good relationship, you DO marry your own version of Prince Charming. The point is: be realistic, and don’t expect someone that doesn’t exist. Stop justifying your life through relationships. The most important relationship you have is with you, and only you.
When we are younger, we enjoy dating or being in “young love”. The dream is sold to us daily through characters in books, movies, and sitcoms. We are told what types of men make up someone that’s successful: good looking, charming, well off, and well spoken. Never once is sense of humor, outlook on life, or interests mentioned. As you get older you say to yourself “I don’t want to settle, I want the dream”. I have seen many women blow off nice guys, who may be a little rusty, goofy, geeky or not their type. I ask this: is your "type" working for you, if you are still single?
So here’s the question: if we, as women, know that the expectations set for us are unrealistic, why do we hold men to the standard sold to us, and never once question how realistic it is? Women don’t want to settle, and they shouldn’t. Never should you stay with someone that’s abusive, unkind, or dealing with some type of demon they can’t work through. However, for those women who think that Mr. Big is waiting for them somewhere, you are sadly mistaken. Ask any married woman if they married the previously mentioned Prince Charming, and they will tell you no. But, in a good relationship, you DO marry your own version of Prince Charming. The point is: be realistic, and don’t expect someone that doesn’t exist. Stop justifying your life through relationships. The most important relationship you have is with you, and only you.
Friday, March 19, 2010
My Best Friend
I met Millie a little over 10 years ago. We met on December 18, 1999. She was a little strong willed back pomeranian, and I was a young woman, in love with her from the moment we met. She was as strong willed, stubborn and scatter brained as I was. Over the years, as I have grown and matured, so has she. She made my house, a home. She brought Doug and I together and made us a family.
Toward the end of her life, she was wiser on my ways than I was. She knew my every move. She was there for me at my highest highs and my lowest lows. When I felt I had nothing, she would curl up next to me to remind me that I had the greatest of all gifts: a dog's undying love.
After Doug took her for what would be her last evening walk, she came home and gave me a look that said that it was time for me to let her go. The first weekend without her, I was numb. Every day after that, I have been able to feel again, a little bit at a time.
I will always miss my Millie. I will always love her and will remember all the lessons she taught me: love is unconditional with those you can trust, never trust someone your dog doesn't like, and never underestimate the value of a good belly rub.
Toward the end of her life, she was wiser on my ways than I was. She knew my every move. She was there for me at my highest highs and my lowest lows. When I felt I had nothing, she would curl up next to me to remind me that I had the greatest of all gifts: a dog's undying love.
After Doug took her for what would be her last evening walk, she came home and gave me a look that said that it was time for me to let her go. The first weekend without her, I was numb. Every day after that, I have been able to feel again, a little bit at a time.
I will always miss my Millie. I will always love her and will remember all the lessons she taught me: love is unconditional with those you can trust, never trust someone your dog doesn't like, and never underestimate the value of a good belly rub.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Too Connected
We all have one or more of the following:
-A computer
-A cell phone
-A facebook
-A twitter
-A linkedin
And then throw in any "feeds" we get. I ask though, are any of these things REALLY feeding us, and what is it that we are growing from? Are we really connecting with each other, if all we do is share an "update" on a computer? I look at my facebook "friends" list, and out of 166 people, I may be actually friends with (meaning, see "in real life") about 30 of the people. Don't even get me started about what classifies someone as a friend.
The point? Get off the computer and see the people who mean the most to you. It's great to get caught up with people via text/twitter/facebook/email, but it's better to see your friends face to face.
Your life off the computer should be much more fulfilling than on the computer, and if it's not, it's never to late to change things up. The internet was created to make life easier, but it was never created to make your life.
-A computer
-A cell phone
-A facebook
-A twitter
-A linkedin
And then throw in any "feeds" we get. I ask though, are any of these things REALLY feeding us, and what is it that we are growing from? Are we really connecting with each other, if all we do is share an "update" on a computer? I look at my facebook "friends" list, and out of 166 people, I may be actually friends with (meaning, see "in real life") about 30 of the people. Don't even get me started about what classifies someone as a friend.
The point? Get off the computer and see the people who mean the most to you. It's great to get caught up with people via text/twitter/facebook/email, but it's better to see your friends face to face.
Your life off the computer should be much more fulfilling than on the computer, and if it's not, it's never to late to change things up. The internet was created to make life easier, but it was never created to make your life.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Love Rules
Living this close to the city has opened my eyes to how hard it is for single ladies to meet a good guy. I see the nonsense my friends who date put up with, and think part of it is how jaded we are this close to the city, where everything you could possibly want is there for the taking. Does this fall into dating patterns as well? I think so, and I don't think it's only the guy's fault. Sorry ladies. So, I am adding to and reiterating my previous post about love rules for the single (see "Some Interesting Reading", circa Oct 2009).
Rule 1
Fall in love with someone who accepts you the way you are, and do the same for them. If you don't know who you are, you probably need to find that out before you go looking for love.
Rule 2
Let go of who you think you want, in fact, put any preconceived notions about who you are meant to be with out of your head. Instead, focus on rule 1 above.
Rule 3
Ask yourself what the most important traits are to you. These should have nothing to do with anything superficial. For me, it was sense of humor, undying acceptance of who I am, and appreciation for my own sense of humor and unique family background. Now, are looks important? Yes, definitely. However, when you only look for one thing, you miss the others.
Rule 4
Einstein says that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. This applies to going to the same bars, same clubs, and same places and expecting to meet someone different. It won't happen. Step outside your comfort zone! Put yourself out there. When you do, you may learn something new about yourself, or even better, meet someone completely different. Like the lottery, you gotta be in it to win it. Don't complain about not meeting someone if you don't REALLY try.
Rule 5
You're not perfect. Stop holding men to a higher standard than you would hold yourself to. Do you walk around, dressed to the nines every day of the week? If the answer is no, don't judge a guy by what he is wearing when you meet him. Yes, he should be groomed and presentable, but he doesn't need to be in a full on tuxedo just for dinner with you. Chances are he is seeing if you accept him the way he is. Men are big on that. Mainly because women spend a lot of time trying to change men. Guys don't consider what they wear to be a deal breaker, but they know women do. If you judge them for their outfit, they will judge you for being overly consumed with outward appearance (and really, who can blame them). Stop being judgmental on a first date. Unless the guy is a total jerk, not attractive to you, or outright rude, give it a second try, PLEASE. So many opportunities are missed by making assumptions about someone too soon in. Am I asking you to settle? No. I'm asking you to open your mind a little.
Rule 6
It's a date, not an interview. Don't sit there trying to figure out of the guy is "worthy" of dating you. Yes, ambition, career goals, and stability are important. Some guys don't care to discuss it right away. Some guys are dealing with being unemployed or face the prospect of being laid off. The last thing they want to be judged for is what they make, especially in this economy. So, ease up. Instead, see if you have common interests. Are you a runner? Is he? Do you like art? Does he? These are the things that matter. How are his manners? Does he open a door for you, offer to pay for the bill, or call or text you a day or two after your date? These are all the little things that make up a whole person. We would hate to be judged only on our looks or financial status, so why should be determine if someone is date worthy based only on those two factors.
Some Guys to Avoid:
Someone who only talks about money or is overly flashy, he is looking to see if that's what attracts you, or that's all he has. Avoid this guy!
A guy overly obsessed with talking about his ex. In fact, any talk of any exes on a first date, by either party, is a big NO.
If you have to ask yourself, "How many drinks has he had"?, it may be time to get the check. On a first date, getting wasted is not only unacceptable, but could be a sign of something deeper. Rule of thumb? Stick to one or two drinks. See if he does the same. While alcohol can help break the ice, it shouldn't be a crutch.
Rule 1
Fall in love with someone who accepts you the way you are, and do the same for them. If you don't know who you are, you probably need to find that out before you go looking for love.
Rule 2
Let go of who you think you want, in fact, put any preconceived notions about who you are meant to be with out of your head. Instead, focus on rule 1 above.
Rule 3
Ask yourself what the most important traits are to you. These should have nothing to do with anything superficial. For me, it was sense of humor, undying acceptance of who I am, and appreciation for my own sense of humor and unique family background. Now, are looks important? Yes, definitely. However, when you only look for one thing, you miss the others.
Rule 4
Einstein says that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. This applies to going to the same bars, same clubs, and same places and expecting to meet someone different. It won't happen. Step outside your comfort zone! Put yourself out there. When you do, you may learn something new about yourself, or even better, meet someone completely different. Like the lottery, you gotta be in it to win it. Don't complain about not meeting someone if you don't REALLY try.
Rule 5
You're not perfect. Stop holding men to a higher standard than you would hold yourself to. Do you walk around, dressed to the nines every day of the week? If the answer is no, don't judge a guy by what he is wearing when you meet him. Yes, he should be groomed and presentable, but he doesn't need to be in a full on tuxedo just for dinner with you. Chances are he is seeing if you accept him the way he is. Men are big on that. Mainly because women spend a lot of time trying to change men. Guys don't consider what they wear to be a deal breaker, but they know women do. If you judge them for their outfit, they will judge you for being overly consumed with outward appearance (and really, who can blame them). Stop being judgmental on a first date. Unless the guy is a total jerk, not attractive to you, or outright rude, give it a second try, PLEASE. So many opportunities are missed by making assumptions about someone too soon in. Am I asking you to settle? No. I'm asking you to open your mind a little.
Rule 6
It's a date, not an interview. Don't sit there trying to figure out of the guy is "worthy" of dating you. Yes, ambition, career goals, and stability are important. Some guys don't care to discuss it right away. Some guys are dealing with being unemployed or face the prospect of being laid off. The last thing they want to be judged for is what they make, especially in this economy. So, ease up. Instead, see if you have common interests. Are you a runner? Is he? Do you like art? Does he? These are the things that matter. How are his manners? Does he open a door for you, offer to pay for the bill, or call or text you a day or two after your date? These are all the little things that make up a whole person. We would hate to be judged only on our looks or financial status, so why should be determine if someone is date worthy based only on those two factors.
Some Guys to Avoid:
Someone who only talks about money or is overly flashy, he is looking to see if that's what attracts you, or that's all he has. Avoid this guy!
A guy overly obsessed with talking about his ex. In fact, any talk of any exes on a first date, by either party, is a big NO.
If you have to ask yourself, "How many drinks has he had"?, it may be time to get the check. On a first date, getting wasted is not only unacceptable, but could be a sign of something deeper. Rule of thumb? Stick to one or two drinks. See if he does the same. While alcohol can help break the ice, it shouldn't be a crutch.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Resolutions anew
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I take making my New Year's resolution pretty seriously. For about 3 months in the New Year, I work on them. Then I lose my steam. Then I'm really hard on myself. Overall, not a successful process.
My resolutions for 2009 actually had a rhyme and reason. I chose to: do something for someone else, try something new, and do something for myself.
Trying something new was as simple as moving to Jersey City. That was definitely something new!
What did I do for myself? You know, I really can't say I did anything for my own personal gain, but read a lot more and started this blog. I would love to say that I have a job that is fulfilling, but really, working as a volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club is just as much for me as it is for the kids I work with.
So as I think about my resolutions for 2010, I think about what's really possible. I will be turning 35 this year, and would like to look and feel as good about myself when I did when I turned 30. In order to make this happen, I plan on becoming a runner. This has always been an ambition of mine. I feel like it's time I made that happen. So, thats what I plan on doing for myself.
For something new to try, I plan on cooking meals out of cookbooks at least 2-3 times a week. We have been doing that around here recently, and it definitely makes dinner more interesting.
Something I would like to do for others would be to continue to volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club, perhaps organize some type of group counseling for the kids I work with right now.
I think resolutions are a great way to expand your own personal goals ambitions, as long as you have a plan of attack. It should serve to be an interesting 2010!
My resolutions for 2009 actually had a rhyme and reason. I chose to: do something for someone else, try something new, and do something for myself.
Trying something new was as simple as moving to Jersey City. That was definitely something new!
What did I do for myself? You know, I really can't say I did anything for my own personal gain, but read a lot more and started this blog. I would love to say that I have a job that is fulfilling, but really, working as a volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club is just as much for me as it is for the kids I work with.
So as I think about my resolutions for 2010, I think about what's really possible. I will be turning 35 this year, and would like to look and feel as good about myself when I did when I turned 30. In order to make this happen, I plan on becoming a runner. This has always been an ambition of mine. I feel like it's time I made that happen. So, thats what I plan on doing for myself.
For something new to try, I plan on cooking meals out of cookbooks at least 2-3 times a week. We have been doing that around here recently, and it definitely makes dinner more interesting.
Something I would like to do for others would be to continue to volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club, perhaps organize some type of group counseling for the kids I work with right now.
I think resolutions are a great way to expand your own personal goals ambitions, as long as you have a plan of attack. It should serve to be an interesting 2010!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Not just thankful...
Every year, toward the end of the year, I reflect on the lessons I have learned. 2009 has been a very tough year for me. I have gone a solid year with no full time job, have moved from a comfortable life and my first home to our apartment in Jersey City, and have learned some hard lessons about friendships as well.
However, I think in line with keeping positive, which is something I have always tried to do along the way, it's important to reflect on what I DO have.
I have my health
I have a loving husband, a great immediate and extended family, and good friends.
I have a roof over my head
I am able to survive on much less than I thought possible.***
***In my opinion, needs vs. wants are often confused by many of us. I am just as guilty as anyone for wanting things that I don't need. I have learned that NOT having some of these things makes life easier. For me, wanting something snowballs into an obsession for more.
So as we all prepare to enter the holiday season, I am going to enjoy spending time with people I care about and not worry so much about the materialism of the season.
I will, however manage to buy myself a beauty product or two, I'm sure :)
However, I think in line with keeping positive, which is something I have always tried to do along the way, it's important to reflect on what I DO have.
I have my health
I have a loving husband, a great immediate and extended family, and good friends.
I have a roof over my head
I am able to survive on much less than I thought possible.***
***In my opinion, needs vs. wants are often confused by many of us. I am just as guilty as anyone for wanting things that I don't need. I have learned that NOT having some of these things makes life easier. For me, wanting something snowballs into an obsession for more.
So as we all prepare to enter the holiday season, I am going to enjoy spending time with people I care about and not worry so much about the materialism of the season.
I will, however manage to buy myself a beauty product or two, I'm sure :)
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