Not just thankful...

Every year, toward the end of the year, I reflect on the lessons I have learned. 2009 has been a very tough year for me. I have gone a solid year with no full time job, have moved from a comfortable life and my first home to our apartment in Jersey City, and have learned some hard lessons about friendships as well.

However, I think in line with keeping positive, which is something I have always tried to do along the way, it's important to reflect on what I DO have.
I have my health
I have a loving husband, a great immediate and extended family, and good friends.
I have a roof over my head
I am able to survive on much less than I thought possible.***



***In my opinion, needs vs. wants are often confused by many of us. I am just as guilty as anyone for wanting things that I don't need. I have learned that NOT having some of these things makes life easier. For me, wanting something snowballs into an obsession for more.

So as we all prepare to enter the holiday season, I am going to enjoy spending time with people I care about and not worry so much about the materialism of the season.


I will, however manage to buy myself a beauty product or two, I'm sure :)

Sacrifices that pay off...

We all have to make decisions in life. Some are easy, such as what we wear or eat. Others are a little more complex. Decisions and sacrifices are the same thing when it comes to a relationship. You decide to get involved with someone, you decide to get married, and you decide to make that marriage work. All the while you are both making sacrifices along the way. You may look at yourself and not recognize parts of who you are anymore, and that's okay. It's also perfectly normal to wonder if you are even the same person anymore. Many times, the answer is no. Relationships change you. That's part of the deal. If you are not ready for that sacrifice, then I suggest you stay single. However, you may find that you like the person you become even better.

Before I met Doug, I was a totally different person. I was in my own world which evolved around me. My life now is much different. The important thing is to remember the essence of who you are and what is important to YOU. For instance, I take a lot of time for myself. I have always liked my alone time. I have also maintained my sense of humor and my outgoing personality. These are the things about myself I would never sacrifice for anyone else.

So, in summary...know whats important to you. Because what isn't important, will definitely change. Embrace the change, because only good can come from loving without fear. I have my husband to thank for teaching me that!

Signs of Fall...

Leaves changing colors. Cozy dinners in and homemade butternut squash soup. Red wine.

All of these things remind me of the changing of the season, which I always really enjoy. I feel like things slow down in the fall. Summer is always so frazzled and busy!

I also always feel that, with a change of season, comes a new chance and a new perspective.

Embrace the change, and make changes in your life. Make things easier for you. Organize and minimize.

The simpler you make things in your life, the better it can become.

Some interesting reading...

In a past life, I wrote a singles column for a going out guide in Monmouth County. Recently, I came across some of my articles. It's amazing how my perspective has changed since then on the dating scene. Of course, my view is now skewed, as I am married. Nonetheless, I want to share my perspective with any single women reading this blog now. Married women know something about dating. It's how we ended up married, after all.


Advice for single girls from a married woman


1) Live your life as much as you want. Don’t worry about when you meet someone or try to put yourself on a schedule for when you expect to get married. It’s going to happen when you least expect it
2) This is very important: what you think you need and what you actually need are very different things. My husband is nothing like I expected the person I married would be like.
3) Date. A lot. I dated tons in my 20’s because I never wanted to look back and say “I wish”. Plus, it was fun! I only took a handful of my relationships seriously.
4) Focus on your career and find your happiness within yourself. Work hard and be good at what you do, whatever that may be.
5) Get a hobby. Nothing is sadder than a single girl who thinks that life begins when they are in a relationship. Read, go to a museum, take a cooking class, or join the gym. Do something that helps you think about you and not about the opposite sex.
6) Weed out the friends who care about you and not just about the fact that you are single, and hence available to go out with them to troll the bars. These people will only cause drama later on for you and are definitely not worth it. Better to have a few close friends than several shitty ones who would stab you in the back without thinking twice.
7) Set goals for yourself that have nothing to do with getting married: travel, go back to school, learn another language. No matter what, you will find yourself more confident in yourself and your abilities, which is way sexier than being a date who has nothing to say.
8) Laugh. Laughter can get you through the loneliest days and can make the good days that much sweeter.

Note to Self...

Let me start by saying: I am not a fan of people who play The Victim role. I also see no value in beating myself up over my decisions, long term or daily.


So as I sit here, thinking of what to do today (I have free time, lots of it), I realize how lazy I have become. That's the problem with not working. You have SO much time, that you squander it away on doing lots of nothing.

I should go to the gym. I know that.

I should take advantage of my location, and go into the city each day. I know that too. Yet somehow, I constrain myself to staying home. Blame it on the heat, being lazy, or desire to save money for the weekends, but I actually enjoy staying home.

I do know, however, that I must get my ass in gear.

As soon as the summer ends, life will resume some sense of normalcy. I'm going to give myself the next two weeks to "live it up", and then will, with the start of the fall, create a new start for myself.

While a job would help this current situation, I have to make it happen on my own, which is probably the hardest thing to do.

I will look into volunteering, and will create a schedule for myself, which will involve less happy hours, and more of something productive.

Are we really communicating?

I have decided to not use Instant Messenger for the next week. Why? Because I feel that it makes me more lazy than necessary, and I often have the feeling that if people want to talk to me, they can call me and vice versa. I think technology is REALLY affecting our social skills. Just yesterday, I TEXTED someone a Happy Birthday! It was then I realized that I am falling prey to that which I said I never would. The laziness of technology has finally hit. I am no better than anyone else who spend their days on Facebook and IM, accepting that as a form of communication; a way of "catching up with friends", if you will.

I remember the good ol' days, when if you wanted to talk to someone you had to go and actually TALK to them. There were no cell phones or computers, no internet or wi-fi. It was a much simpler life. I know people who use wikipedia to help them write term papers. Am I the only one who sees the irony in this?

Anyway, I digress. I have decided to see if I can bring some richness back to my life by cutting of some of my connectivity. Perhaps I will talk to people I haven't spoken with in a while, perhaps not.

The next week will be interesting.

Making a house, a home.

Doug and I have spent the last 3 weekends decorating and organizing our home. Almost all of the finishing touches are in place. However, we both agree that the space has yet to feel like home. Of course, it takes time. We are looking forward to having friends and family over more frequently to help make our house, feel like our home. Lots of parties to come!
Living in Jersey City has been wonderful so far. It's been a bit of an adjustment of course. I went from living in a quiet suburb to a busy, noisy city. I have loved walking everywhere. I know that I will get settled in and eventually it will be as if I have lived here forever, but adjusting to a new environment has been interesting. I am glad I have Doug to share in the journey.