So I thought going through old pictures would be "fun". However, as I was looking into my past, and looking at the Allison I was, face to face, I began to get an odd sinking feeling. It took a while for me to figure out, but I realized something: I have looked at my past through rose-colored glasses for many years now. I only looked at the positives, and never at the negatives.
For some reason, today I saw things differently. Call it time, call it age, or call it perspective. Whatever it is, today I saw mistakes I made, poor choices I acted on, and memories of things I wish never happened. I saw pictures of people I was really close with at one point, that I don't even speak to anymore. While I always think it's important to look forward and not look back, it is important to acknowledge mistakes you have made and even try to rectify you past a little. There are a few people that I have treated poorly, and have taken advantage of. To these people, I apologize.
As I looked into my past, I saw a lot of images of who I was at the time, several of which had me asking, "Who am I?". I think I let off an image and people think they know who I am but today in particular, I was asking myself if I even knew who I was at all. I knew I had to step away and get a break from reliving my past.
This start of a downward spiral propelled me to hit the Belmar boardwalk and get it all out. Once I hit a sweat, I got perspective. I may not know who I am all the time, but I know who I am, today. I am a loving, ambitious woman, thankful for being able to finally acknowledge my mistakes. I don't think we ever stay the same, we are always changing and evolving.
Who I am tomorrow, and who I will be in the coming years is yet to be revealed. My mission right now is to live each day to its fullest, without regret, and to always be thankful for those around me, never taking those I love for granted.
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